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                            THE MEN'S MOVEMENT

                                    by

                            Bob Matthews, MFCC

     Ripping the fabric of masculinity has exposed the emptiness of
men's lives. There are a few men who are now beginning to explore
this frontier for new definitions of manhood. Many of us at this
point find ourselves restless and questioning ourselves. The few
that have begun to ask the questions may be a minority but they are
gaining power, strength and confidence.

     These men have begun to move out on the edge beyond those who
would just think about it or talk about it into the experiential
realm of doing it. Questioning who we are as men, where we are
going and who is going with us?  It was not to many years ago that
the Vietnam vet was made the scape goat of our cultural problems.
Sam Keen in "Fire in the Belly" suggests that we are still involved
in a night battle in a jungle against an unseen foe. Voices are
shouting from the hostile darkness challenging: Men are too
aggressive. Too soft. Too insensitive. Too macho. Too power-man.
Too much like little boys. Too wimpy. Too violent. Too obsessed
with sex. Too detached to care. Too busy. Too rational. Too lost to
lead. Too dead to feel. Do you find yourself confused by all these
questions? Feeling the double bind; your damned if you do and your
damned if you don't? Is it then so surprising that we don't know
who we are supposed to be.

     A shift is taking place deep in the psyche of both sexes as
our culture changes. Women have entered into more equality in terms
of economic position and began to define themselves in terms of
money position and power as men have done for years. This was the
beginning of the men's movement. These women were not vindictive or
revengeful but sought to understand their relationships with the
men in their lives.  Men are now doing the same thing that these
women began to do in the 70's and it is just as frightening
confusing and exciting as we begin define ourselves differently.
Now this defining of masculinity must be done in the community of
men. Men cannot initiate girls into femininity any more than women
can initiate men into masculinity. For this reason men must leave
the women's movement and find their on identity.

     It is no mistake or coincidence then that this movement began
as a response to women. The women's movement drew the lines of
distinction that made it possible, no, made it inevitable that men
would need to respond. One of the first identified branches of the
men's movement was known in the 70's as men's liberation and grew
up alongside of the women's movement. This profeminist branch
encouraged men to renounce sexist, homophobic and racist behavior
and thought. The profeminist branch supported men only if men
aligned themselves with this branches political and philosophical
beliefs. They tended to be male bashers who suggested that men feel
the way women feel and be sensitive the way women are sensitive.
This tended to invalidate male ways of doing and being. The men's
liberation group had men who dominated the content and discussion
of men's studies in Universities and men's journals. Opponents of
the profeminist branch suggest that it is widely supported by men
who were hurt by men as children and tend to identify more with
women. The profeminist branch is in essence the genesis of the soft
male. This can be seen in some men who are 45 and still living at
home with "mother."  Being to close to the source of their lives
they themselves cannot be a source of life.

     Men's rights/Fathers' rights groups are another branch of the
movement. These groups are the warriors of the men's movement and
tend to react against changes brought about by women.  They are
largely focused on changing laws and the public's perception of
men.  Fathers' rights groups may be involved in such things as
child custody child support awards rights of unmarried fathers and
abortion issues and proactively lobby in support of men in these
issues. Men's rights advocates fight against male-only draft laws
and the discarding of men's rights. Fathers' rights groups like the
profeminist branch are reactive to women.  Their outrage is an
outgrowth of the pain caused by divorce and child custody in the
courts. They are less financially able to contribute to this group
because of the battles they have been through and their tenure is
determined by their financial recovery. Therefore there is a
considerable turnover in the membership of this group. This is a
very vocal minority of men who understand the media and make a lot
of noise. Opponents of this group in contrast to the profeminist
group suggest that these men were hurt by females as children or
through divorce thus their action is a backlash against women.

     Both the mythopoetic and the addiction/recovery groups find
the middle ground between the two previously mentioned groups. The
mythopoetic group is the biggest and fastest-growing segment of the
men's movement and is more often identified and recognized as the
men's movement. Some of the authors and presenters in this group
include: Shepherd Bliss Robert Bly Michael Meade James Hillman and
Robert Moore.  They emphasize literature mythology and art as they
encourage men to search their souls. Members of this group are
primarily heterosexual mid-life men. Some retreats have incorporated
various native American traditions such as the use of the talking
stick drumming and the sweat lodge. The group or branch of the
movement that we'll call Addiction/Recovery groups have come out of
the well known and respected twelve step programs like AA. Terms
such as woundedness,  Toxic masculinity, and inner child will be
heard in group meetings as members confront grief issues related to
the father wound. It is often hard to tell where this group starts
and the mythopoetic group leaves off in fact there is an exchange
of ideas and practices between these two groups. Two of the more
popular presenter-authors and John Lee and Jed Diamond.

     The Christian branch of the men's movement is hard to
distinguish from the rest of the movement possibly because they
have incorporated practices from the rest of the men's movement.
While this is true it is also important to recognize that there are
attempts within Christianity to celebrate their male identity. In
the 70's that Ed Cole a former pastor/teacher from San Diego wrote
a book entitled "Maximizing Manhood" which challenged men to take
responsibility for their lack of action within the church. He
traveled widely and his male only meetings were well attended  but
there didn't seem to be community of men or bonding of men that
remained. Gordon Dalbey was perhaps the first man to pick up the
influence of the secular and extend it into the Church in his book
"Healing the Masculine Soul."  He calls for strength and truth in
men's lives but believes that healing the male soul and especially
the father-son wound is more important than any other action.
Promise Keepers began in July of 1992 is more action oriented in
that the need for healing the woundedness is not emphasized as much
as activity. Everything will be all right with the marriage, the
family, and the church if only men will keep their promises, seems
to be the admonishment. Some Christian authors stress men's
liberation e.g. men can feel too and healing male sexuality (Walter
Trobisch and Leanne Payne). Others stress Fathering (Ken Canfield)
or are Marriage Advocates (Gary Smalley). Most tend to believe that
healing precedes action in contrast to the Promise Keepers. Much of
the time in this branch is spent on answering all questions from a
spiritual platform. Are you religious in the way we are, is asked
before who are you is asked.  Black and white, right or wrong is a
theme that is heard in the answers about masculinity. We are not into
answering questions, we are into questioning your answers

     So what is Tracks in the Sand all about and where do we fit
in? No matter which group we participate in we are all men. No one
group has ALL the answers. There seems to be too much pressure to
separate and find distinctions within the men's movement than to
unite and find our place of being and commonalities. That is what
we are all about the blending of these groups and finding our
commonalities. We use elements of the mythopoetic as we tell
stories and use the drums and we incorporate vocabulary of the
addiction/recovery groups in attempting to hear the father's voice
and facing our shadows. We take a more holistic approach in
emphasizing the spiritual while not ignoring the emotional and
intellectual aspects of our masculinity. We use metaphorical
rituals to help men see problem areas in their lives. These rituals
may be individual or community in scope but they will deal with an
element of woundedness that men share. It is in the healing of this
wounding that men find bonding and community in fact this healing
will rarely if ever take place alone or in isolation but will often
be found in the community of men. We believe there is a destiny for
each man that can only be discovered with the help of the community
on men. Changes that can only be found within the community will
include the transformation of boys to men as boys are initiated and
men set aside childish things. Our focus is on the healing of
masculinity not just the healing of one man. There is not one group
totally "right" within itself. We are committed to the embracing of
all these groups, facing the truth and understanding who we are in
the community of men.  We believe that by being the kind of men
that we were intended to be we will turn the hearts of the fathers
to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers
so that our land will be healed.


                     MEN'S GROUPS - GANGS - ISOLATION?

                                    by

                               Gary S. Kalus

WHERE ARE WE? - DOES MANHOOD MATTER?

     "A man is simply more aggressive and more powerful than a
woman."  George Gilder presents this idea and definition of
masculinity in "Men and Marriage" by the following concept:  "Every
society has the problem of channeling this greater aggression into
constructive uses.  The chief way societies work, the foundation of
civilization, is by assigning man the provider role, where his
aggressiveness is channeled into supplying goods and services into
the economy to support his family.  When this role is removed, when
he no longer is the chief provider of the family, he has to define
his masculinity in other ways.  The lowest common denominator of
masculinity is greater physical strength and aggressiveness. It
means violence and crime."  George Gilder goes on to say that "a
society has a choice - you can have a patriarchy where men tend to
rule, and that can work, or you can pretend it's a matriarchy or
unisexual society, as for example as occurred in inner cities,
which are mostly ruled by women - social workers, female teachers,
female heads of families.  But that's contrary to nature, so
instead the real rulers in inner cities are gangs of violent males.
If you don't provide the channels of marriage and family and the
provider role, then what you get are gangs, and they will covertly
dominate society."

     To counter act these gangs our society and culture has held up
"rugged individualism" as a primary model of masculinity.  These
heros can do it all and feels no pain.  Some of these icons are
John Wayne, Rambo, Dirty Harry, Indiana Jones to name a few.  The
common theme portrayed in these characters is an independence that
is accomplished through creative ways of isolation.  These men
have been betrayed; leaving them able to trust only those who are
"weaker" or "helpless."  Common among these rugged individuals is
the drive to make righteous decisions from a "platform of blind
justice."  Often there is a "helpless" women that brings "the
balance of mercy" to the man and his judgements.  She is a woman
who will meet all his needs, intuits his sexual needs and is
willing to be possessed.

     Where men live today "total independence" is not possible or
practical.  By embracing this "rugged individualism" leaves men
isolated.  It is this isolation that is the cold wind that blows
through the souls of men keeping them from the warming fires of a
community of men.  What do men's groups contribute to this quest
for masculinity?  Is the community of men a vital part missing from
men's lives and this culture?  If not, what are the missing parts
of masculinity that cause men to end up isolated - not able to
trust or turning to a sibling culture of violent gangs?


WHAT DO WE NEED? - WHAT IS IT WE FACE AS MEN?

     There are two basic needs that all men have.  The first is to
find a place to belong and the other is to be able to uniquely
contribute in that place.  Addressing these two needs is the
primary assignment of the community of men.  This belonging in the
community begins by being known for who "I really am as man."  It
means confronting all my fears, betrayals, secrets, short-comings,
weaknesses, strengths, failures, and successes, while continually
being accepted by other men.  It is from this place of belonging
that a man can begin to learn to contribute or be a source of life
for others.  These fundamental tasks are never accomplished in
isolation.

     A man alone cannot define himself or find the answers to the
three questions all men face.  These three question are: Who am I?
Where am I going?  And, who is going with me?  It is in the
community of men that the answers to these questions can be
revealed.  To address these questions is the beginning of the
journey into spirituality.  The first step to this spiritual
journey is finding the sacredness of our being; the self-worth that
connects us with a Creator greater then ourselves.  It is our
destiny that calls us from a place of darkness and isolation into
the light and community and belonging.  This is the journey that
will take a lifetime.

     Where is this community found?  What are the risks of moving
into community?  What about my shame?  What are the rewards?  Can
knowing who I am; Knowing where I am going; Knowing what I was
created for, and experiencing God's pleasure in my life actually be
accomplished?  These are the intriguing but dangerous questions
that push and pull us, often in conflicting directions, on the path
towards community.

WHAT WENT WRONG? - WHAT WAS OUR FATHER'S GIFT?

     Most of us have at least some idea of who we are.  A part of
our own souls show the direction to go, what to do and Who is
calling.  Contained in our soul is the passions, talents, drives,
longings.  All those things that call us men to our destiny.  It is
usually our father who first see the design of his son's soul.  It
is our fathers gift to show us ourselves as he sees us.  This
critical process drastically shapes our lives.  This shaping
enables the son to hold the contents of his soul in his heart.
Whatever is carried in the heart of the father is received by the
son.  This is why it is so important for a father to have a clear
vision of who is son is before he gives his son the gift.  I have
not seen a father able to give this gift to his son unless he
himself first owns it for himself.  Because of blurred vision of
the father, many of us have received wounds in the passing of the
gift or never received the gift at all.  Can the son be greater
than his father without his father's blessing?   A part of this
gift from the father is the welcoming of the son into the father's
world for who the son is.  Where the son hears from his father:
"This is my son in whom I am well pleased with and deeply love."
Before we have achieved anything in the adult world our fathers
have seen into the depths of our souls and hearts and where pleased
with what they saw.  We know we are known by our fathers, for just
being who we are.  Our fathers know the good and the bad about us
and we find ourselves still loved and accepted.  It is only a
father or "group father" that can initiate the son into the
father's world.  Again, can the son be greater than his father
without his father's blessing?

     Each of us carry a story of "the rite of passage." It is
during the experiences as boys that we go through being "welcomed"
into our father's world.  For many of us, this experience has left
more wounds and destruction than well-being and health.  There is
a calling out which all boys go through, a rite of passage.
Different societies and cultures structure different rituals.  For
our culture, turning eighteen, graduation, going into the military,
getting married, going to college, getting the first job after high
school, these are a few transitional rituals that mark the passing
of the boy into "manhood."  Or do they?  Is this really the
"fathers world?"  Is this the community of men which will bring
life to the boy?

     When we have never received this gift, or there was a wounding
that took place with the passing of the gift there is a spring-
loaded effect that can take place in relationships that push us
towards isolation and self destruction because we find it hard to
trust others.  This will also reinforces the pattern of "rugged
individualism" towards isolation.

WHAT'S LIVING IN ISOLATION? - WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

     Isolation brings with it "myths we live by."  These are the
lies and betrayals that tell us who we are and we believe and live
by them.  They are deceptively mixed with a part of the truth
making them seem more like the truth than a lie.  It is when our
life is built around half-truths we live out a destiny we were not
made for or did not choose.  At the center of this myth we
privately experience an empty and unfulfilled life.  Many men have
spent a lifetime trying to fill this emptiness in the soul with
"this is what I DO" therefore, "this is who I AM."  One common
result of these myths is to live the un-lived lives of our fathers;
never coming to a complete understanding of who we are.  This is
the "blessing" that ends up cursing us; wrestling the demons of our
fathers; always trying to gain acceptance by what we DO.

     Another aspect that becomes confusing without the community of
men is the misunderstanding of God's pleasure and purpose in our
lives.  We mistake God's pleasure with what we think our
"greatness" is.  This "doing" part of "who I am," with its
"greatness," at first, seems to fit the floating void in the soul.
Soon we find ourselves betrayed because we have lead ourselves to
a place of living a life of "desperate isolation" never coming to
the truth of "who we are."  We only allow people to see the mask of
our "greatness" in what we do while our true self remains hidden in
the darkness of the soul, only to ravage the heart in times of
"desperate isolation."

     The lack of community or men's groups in the boy's world can
leave him with other places to look for his masculinity and
destiny.  This quest can look like becoming a member of a gang that
dominates their environment by violence.  Or, trying to become part
of the feminine community.   This lack of older men in a boy's life
can confuse the order of the three questions.  Getting the order of
these questions mixed up can lead a boy into a dead-end alley for
thirty years, fifty years or even a life time.

ARE THERE ANY ANSWERS? - CAN MEN'S GROUPS HELP?

     Can men's groups contribute to the quest for a type of
masculinity that leads men out of isolation into the truth?  Is the
community of men a vital missing part from men's lives and this
culture?  Many men answer "yes" to both questions.  There are many
different types and purposes for men's groups and men's
communities.  The main purpose for men's groups is to bring clarity
to knowing "who we are."  It is in community that the answers to
the three questions begin to be revealed; not all at once but
little by little.  The risk is to move out of isolation into
community.  This may begin by becoming a part of a men's group,
starting a men's group or going to a men's retreat.  It is a search
for truth, guided by experiencing the pleasure of God in our lives.
This pleasure does not always "feel good."  Some answers are only
found in the mist of the grief and working through the betrayals of
the past.  This can only be done in the community of men.
Acceptance in community sounds like: the father's voice saying:
"this is my son in whom I am well pleased."  Beginning this process
will be difficult.  To many of us it looks like the "valley of the
shadow of death."  It is possible the greatest regrets in life can
be the risks we never took.

     Tracks  in the  Sand  is a  newsletter addressing the issues men face
to-day.  Topics are examined from a value driven belief system.  This system
holds feelings and emotions as valid but not as the dominant factor
controlling our this system or culture.  It is when these feelings and
emotions become a merciless dictator guiding our society and lives that
trouble begins.  One of Tracks, guiding principle, that everyone is
accountable to an infinite creator, greater than oneself.  Many of the
readers and writers believe that this creator is God and have a personal
relationship with Him based on the work of His Son Jesus.

The issue of unfinished business

     The main charter Tracks is to speak directly to the dynamics of change
in mens lives.  All of us make decisions based on our history.  It is when
our history is not in the past but lives in the shadows of the present as
unfinished business that it effects our decision making process.  We find
ourselves incapacitated, powerless, unable to change even when we desperately
want to.  In this history there are myths, lies and deceptions as well as the
perceived truth each of us grew up with.  It is living in the here and now
and not in this history that we may find the real truth.  It is our
unresolved history that finds its way to the present; making it seem
impossible at times for us to live in the present. This unresolved history
causes us to project our lives into the future, or into those around us.  We
are unable to live in the present, still needing to resolve the pain of the
past.  Each of us have a path out of the past and into change.  The way out
of it is through it.  Even when the past has been waiting in the shadows of
our hearts for twenty or thirty years.  No one has ever been able to find
this path and go through it by themselves.  It must done in community.  It
happens through the process of grief work, forgiveness and expressing the
denied emotions of the past.  This is the beginning, the movement of our
unresolved history from the present to where it belongs in the past.  This is
not to change our history but to bring healing and resolution so that we
might live in the present.  We can then begin to take responsibility for our
lives, not ruled by our past, but now live in the present.

How can Tracks help?

Tracks is a newsletter supporting men find their way through the past into
the present.   There are many stories of mens struggles, poems, and topics
discussed in the articles that appear in Tracks.  Some of the issues
addressed are:

     Healing Masculinity,
     Addictions in mens lives
     Feminism - Friend or Foe
     Father Son Wound
     True Masculinity
     Vision Quest - Men of Destiny
     Isolation in mens lives
     Politically Correct Emotions
     Homosexuality - The Truth & The Myth
     Mens Rights

     Tracks encourages the formation of these support groups and the telling
of the stories that affect our present lives.  Entering these groups can be
the beginning of the spiritual process of movement toward taking appropriate
responsibility for both the past and present and living in the and living in
the here and now.  Tracks makes available tapes, books, video, resource
lists, also sponsoring retreats that deal with this subject matter.  If you
would like several copies of this Sample Issues to pass out please write
Tracks in the Sand, PO Box 1828, Tustin, CA 92680 (714)-751-1012


                             Back Issues of Tracks
These are the articles and stories in the back issues of Tracks:

     Vol. 1    Manhood in Crisis
               Counterfeit Love
               Finding Life in Betrayal
               God, You Just Don't Understand
               The Invisible Man
               The Absolutes of Homosexuality
               I Need A "Quick Fix"
               Testimony of a Sex Addict
               Poem: Sitting on the Edge

     Vol. 2    Sexual Problems in the Clergy
               Living with Betrayal (Part 2)
               Freedom From Sexual Addiction
               Poem: Feeding My Master
               Book Review: Secrets of Your Family Tree
               Poem: Wedding Day

     Vol. 3    Do Real Men go to Church?
               Don't Curse the Road to Paradise
               My Father's Blessing
               What Grows on the Family Tree?
               Poem: My Brother's Room

     Vol. 4    Anger, Grief and Getting Unstuck in Recovery
               Men and Sexual Abuse-Can Men Be Victims?
               Poem: Streams of My Youth
               Grieving Losses Can Change Your  Life - Forever
               Men On the Ropes
               What Will They Say About You
               Little White Boy

     Vol. 5    Denial Is Not Faith
               Rituals
               A Southern Son
               What is the Difference
               Why Johnny Can't Worship
               Bonsai Memories

Back issues of Tracks in the Sand are available.  These articles have been
compiled into a book with five issues in this volume.  These back issues are
available to members at $15.95 each and $19.95 each for non-member.  Shipping
and handling is $2.50.There will also be a annual catalog of product coming
out. With your subscription/membership, you will be entitled to discounts on
products in the catalog. Special rates are available for churches,
therapists, bookstores or those who want to receive multiple copies of
newsletter.

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